Tyndhudet og tudeparat

Jeg har aldrig været hverken bange for eller flov over at græde. Og det er ret heldigt for selv under normale omstændigheder triller tårerne ofte løs. Og i år er det, som om 9 måneder med konstant forholden mig til Corona, har slidt et lag eller to ekstra af. Jeg har stort set grædt mig gennem hele december måned, og det har en vidunderligt helende effekt – men helt aftaget er det altså ikke endnu.

Som en form for glimtvis indsigt – klogere er jeg åbenbart ikke; de kommer og går; glimtene – ser jeg en gang imellem for mig, hvordan det ville være, hvis noget forfærdeligt skete. Eller noget helt naturligt som dødsfald hos familiemedlemmer skete.

Jeg kan blive helt panisk over, at jeg måske ikke når at få fortalt og vist al den kærlighed, jeg har til mennesker omkring mig. Præcis den følelse har jeg, når jeg hører Lukas Grahams julesang, som vist nok er en hyldest til en afdød ven. Men ordene går lige ind i tude-centeret og hjertet på mig.

“HERE (For Christmas)”

Every year round this time I start to think about you
We’re really gonna have another Christmas Eve without you
I can’t believe it’s been so long

Every day finds a way to make me think about you
Like today when we were picking out the tree without you
I can’t believe it’s been so long

Oh, we miss you like hell
All the stories that you’d tell
‘Bout the boat that you built
But never got to sail


I don’t know whether I should
Cry or I should smile through my tears
But if you were here, we would
Sail that boat into the red horizon
Those years lost, I’d tell you all about ’em
Gone don’t always mean that you disappear
‘Cause inside all of us you’re still here

Another year has passed and now it’s time for buying presents
I even got you one, forgetting you’re not gonna get it
I can’t believe it’s been so long


This time around we’ll try to smile ’cause
we’re sick of tears
Most days are easy now but it gets hard this time of year
I can’t believe you’re really gone


Oh, we miss you like hell
All the stories that you’d tell
‘Bout the boat that you built
But never got to sail


I don’t know whether I should
Cry or I should smile through my tears
But if you were here, we would
Sail that boat into the red horizon
Those years lost, I’d tell you all about ’em
Gone don’t always mean that you disappear
‘Cause inside all of us you’re still…


Wild and free, I’ve got so many memories
Soon time too will take all of them from me
Gone don’t always mean that you disappear
‘Cause inside all of us you’re still here


When it’s dark and it’s cold
Everyone is coming home
I just wish you could know
That’s when we’re missing you the most


I don’t know whether I should
Cry or I should smile through my tears
But if you were here, we would
Sail that boat into the red horizon
Those years lost, I’d tell you all about ’em
Gone don’t always mean that you disappear
‘Cause inside all of us you’re still…


Wild and free, I’ve got so many memories
Soon time too will take all of them from me
Gone don’t always mean that you disappear
‘Cause inside all of us you’re still here

https://youtu.be/DGyMjoIfgIw

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